I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
