I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
