yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
