I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
