Jerry, you need to find god
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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