new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
