I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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