and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
