Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
