I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
