I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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