Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
