i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
