So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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