Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me I should be a condom model.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
