Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
