I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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