White coat. Heels.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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