You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
