You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
