dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
