so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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