i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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