My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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