wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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