my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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