hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
