We won't sleep together?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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