How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
