If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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