just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
