He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
