am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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