O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
