So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
