I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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