I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dear god my vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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