you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
