I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize