Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this will be a night to untag.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
