How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
