You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize