fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
