why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She bit a glass in half.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
