Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
