i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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