i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
