The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
