dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
