My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
