Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
