you traded sex for a burrito?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
