my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
