If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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