Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
