i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
