i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
