My nipple is on Facebook.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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