my mouth tastes like poor choices
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
well you can't waste a boner
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
