I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
