if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
