Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
