Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
