All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
