Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
