If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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