if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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