We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
