There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
